How is that for starters?! No, this isn’t the real deal YET. And no, there’s no end in sight for me YET. However, it’s just a small act of faith that represents my new BOLDness in this faith walk. Let me explain…
“Frustration” was the word of the day yesterday! Monday’s are difficult for most people as they try to adjust to yet another work week. I am definitely one of those people. But yesterday was more than just a case of the Mondays. I was in a feeling of utter disgust, not knowing when the tables would turn in my favor. I just wanted to get in the car, drive as far as I could go, and stop wherever I ran out of gas. I mean really, it was bad.
Since that was a bit irrational, I decided to take a drive for lunch just to clear my head and get away from all of the distractions. I sat alone in my car eating lunch and drifted into my vision of a life where Monday was just as exciting as Friday because I’m working for my purpose instead of a paycheck. I hear people say, “When you are doing what you love you never have to work a day in your life.” I yearn for that feeling! So I’m sitting there envisioning myself negotiating million dollar projects for series and films that I will executive produce. I have a small staff of people who are like family and are as equally passionate about the vision of the company as me. We’re based in a small, quaint, but state of the art facility located in the heart of a thriving urban community. The community… they love us because we’re an active participant and leader in events and programs that serve them… REALITY CHECK…
Looking at the time, I get snapped back to the reality of having to drive back to the j.o.b and instantly fall back into a state of irritation. Then the guilt started to set in when I remembered all the people who are out looking for jobs and wishing they were in my shoes. Now I’m ashamed for being so ungrateful. Again the thought of running away sneaks back in and it seems like the perfect solution until I get glimpse of my family. At this point my mind is feeling so clouded, it seems like no move is the right move. That’s when I heard, “faith is acting on what you believe.” I’m sure you would think that those words would offer comfort…NOPE… I’m thinking “I’ve been acting… acting has cost me money and I’m still here!” I got student loans to go back to school to gain experience that my job didn’t offer in order to fulfill my vision… I used some of my savings to bring the vision of my thesis film to life … now I’m looking at the money it’s going to take to give my film the proper screening it deserves (I don’t do ANYTHING sub par!) I could have screamed… but then…
As I thought about all of my acts, they all have been BIG acts of faith because I dream BIG, my vision is BIG, and I’ve always been the type that likes perfection. I’ve been a stickler for finer things since I was born… mama taught me well! So, I’m sitting there completely confused and then it hits me, my vision can be big but my actions can be small. I’m realizing that I’m so hungry to see my vision come to pass that I’m using more of my own resources instead of allowing God to plant resources in my life to help further my vision on His time. I’m realizing that though we must sow into our own visions, the sowing is not limited to just money. And that’s when it hit me… it’s time to draft my two weeks notice letter. I’m envisioning the day that I can run my own show but what I’m lacking is proper preparation. So in the midst of all my big acts of faith, there are little acts that I can do on a daily basis that will keep me focused and give me less time to worry about not seeing my vision come to pass overnight.
So for me, it’s about positioning myself to take on a new chapter in my life and fulfill the vision of owning my own producing firm. We all have visions that probably don’t look anything like what we are presently in today. Don’t get caught up on the disappointments of not being where you think you ought to be. Prepare yourself for the next level. No action is too small as long as it is in the direction that you are trying to go. I want to encourage you as I encourage myself to not let the perceived limitations, disappointments, frustrations, and negativity distract you from pursuing your vision. Take your first step toward your vision today. Acts of faith are powerful no matter how small they may be. Whatever you do, do it with the right heart and a courageous spirit.
My Pastor said it best when he said that “You are the main ingredient to your success.” God gives you the vision but it will remain dormant until YOU physically make the move to bring the vision to pass. Let’s not waste another second feeling unfulfilled. So I’m going to finish drafting my “two weeks notice” as my small act of faith… what will be your small act today?
Tuesdays with Bianca