Imagine yourself waiting in line to enter into the most intensely scary, haunted house of all time.

As the line gets shorter and you draw closer to going inside, your heart flutters uncontrollably. You find yourself shaking like the leaves of an oak on a breezy autumn day. Your hands begin to sweat as you hear the screams from inside. You put on a smile because you don’t want your friends to laugh at you and call you a punk. You begin to laugh nervously as it’s your turn to walk inside. Once you walk in, the doors close behind you and there is no turning back….You must now complete the daunting task of getting to the exit before you have a heart attack!

I know I’m not the only one who can relate to this, am I? In your mind, you know there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of because you realize that the haunted house consists of dim lighting, fog machines, fake spider webs, eerie music, and people dressed up in spooky costumes (that can not hurt you by the way or they’ll get sued).  However, as irrational and illogical as you know it is to be so scared, you find yourself stuck in the proverbial quicksand of fear; unable to do anything to release yourself from it.

Your heart pounds at the speed of sound and your breathing becomes hyperventilation to a point where you feel you’re going to just lose all control.

But suddenly there is hope. You see the light at the end of the tunnel…the exit! You run as fast as you can to get out of there. As you walk out, you look up at the night sky in appreciation of its starry beauty and your erratic breathing starts to even out.  Your heart rate slowly goes back to normal and the sweat that was dripping from your body has now dried up. But you’re so wiped out from the whole experience that you get dizzy and pass out cold.

Welcome to the cruel world of Anxiety Attacks. I used the Haunted House analogy as a means to convey how for years my mind has worked against my body to create a horrible and debilitating panic at random times for what often times appears to be for no reason. Yes people, you read that right. I have suffered w/ Anxiety.

Shortly after giving my life to Christ, I actually sought medical attention b/c it had started getting worse and that’s when I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Besides talking about it with my doctor, husband, Pastor, and a handful of friends, I really suffered in silence for a long time because as a born-again Christian, I was ashamed. The one time I opened up about it to someone outside of my tight circle, the person made me feel really bad. She said, “By admitting this weakness you will hurt your witness to the body of Christ b/c TRUE BELIEVERS do not bow down to fear.” She also said, “You must not be praying b/c if you were God will take it from you. People w/ these kinds of emotional issues are attention seekers who are spoiled and don’t snap out of it b/c they don’t want to.”

Her words deeply hurt me. The power of the tongue is an amazing power! It made me begin to doubt God early in my walk b/c I kept saying, “Well, maybe I’m not really saved b/c I’m still struggling with this.” Her words also made me silent about the whole issue to people outside my circle. I continued PRAY but I also continued to suffer. I was prescribed every medication from Zoloft to Lexapro to Ativan. I even did a three-month cycle of Acupuncture therapy. Over time, I had some success but would eventually have a relapse and go through it all over again.

Here is the super deep part: I believe that God used the Anxiety to help me and I remember EXACTLY when it started. There was a course of events in my life that I let spiral out of control over about four years. SIN was at the center of it. I am fairly certain that God allowed the anxiety to be the antithesis to the so-called happiness I was experiencing in these sinful situations.


He allowed the anxiety to stir up my spirit. My flesh was content in the sin, but even UNSAVED, my SPIRIT was at war w/ my own body and did not allow me to be at peace in those situations. Some would argue that it should’ve stopped when those sins stopped. But justice delayed IS NOT just denied; besides, who are we to tell God HOW to deliver us? He seeks to save that which is lost. I was lost. Anxiety wore down on me so long, I started to feel burned out by it. Eventually, I started seeking SOLACE and I praise God that I sought it in Christ!!

Bear with me folks, I’m almost done…

What that woman failed to realize as she was bashing me is that God ALLOWS us to go thru things in order to get closer to Him and to be a blessing to others. If I suffer in silence and never speak out about Anxiety, there could be someone who never knows that deliverance is even possible. There is no such thing as an unusable testimony.

So last year, I actually received a breakthrough. I started opening up about Anxiety…talking about it with just about anyone who would listen, and guess what? Other Christians started opening up to me about their struggles with Anxiety. Then others would open up to me about their struggles with Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder, family mental illness issues and other things. However informal the setting(s), God saw fit to allow me a window to people in this area to still GLORIFY Him.

It has been over a year now since my last Anxiety Attack and medication. I praise God for that. Does this mean I will NEVER experience it again? I can’t answer that. But I’m sure that if I do, there will be a reason God allows it… perhaps to get me back on track or just to reveal my own frailty that I don’t get pumped up w/ pride. I am a overcomer but not in my own strength. So I will continue chasing after God w/ all I have and thank Him in advance for deliverance.

*Wednesdays w/ iNDIGO*

About boldandfab

Where Being A Witness Meets Chic Sophistication! Where Every Word Has Profound Meaning. It's all us...ALL REAL! B & F.
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10 Responses to BOO! SCARED YOU DIDN'T I?

  1. Bianca Ashton says:

    WOW! You just never know what people go through… anxiety is serious. So happy you worked through it and are BOLD enough to share it with others! To God be the Glory!

  2. A Fan says:

    What a testimony! I appreciate your transparency and honesty, it will minister to someone else, I believe that. I’m also glad that you did not allow the words of others to hurt or otherwise impact you to the point of losing your faith. Continue to be blessed.

  3. Rickey E. Macklin says:

    Amen! Awesome Testimony! God’s ways are sometimes past finding out – but they are always perfect and right — even when we “just don’t understand”.

    You story sorta reminds me of the Apostle Paul who, by the way, wrote 3/4 of the New Testament. He said he had an issue/problem.sickness – whatever you might want to call it. He actually requested of the Lord 3 times to remove it yet God never did. God’s words were so simple and yet so profound to Paul. He said, “Paul, my grace is sufficient for you and my strength is made perfect in your weakness”. Paul’s issue kept him humble and usable by God.

    Thanks for sharing because someone needed to hear that!

    Keep On Keepn It Real!

  4. Mom Dukes says:

    Thank you for your testimony, my sister! I too was finally diagnosed some 17 years ago as suffering from clinical depression. I learned through therapy sessions (Christian) that I had been in this state most of my adult life. The death of my only son in 1993 was the key that opened the already bulging pandora’s box filled to the brim with my fears, anger, sorrow, helplessness, self-loathing and defeat.

    After having serious thoughts of suicide, my loving husband sought help for me and through session after session of drudging up painful memories I was able to understand the reasons for the darkness that had become my closest friend/arch enemy. After trying a number of medications my doctor prescribed one that, after some time, freed my mind and allowed me to see past the thick, dark brim that hovered over my brow for so many years.

    The one major improvement that surfaced almost immediately was the desire to read God’s word for myself once again. I didn’t realize how far I had gotten away from Him, until I realized that He had never left me. Once I began to reestablish my relationship with Jesus, my mind slowly became transformed and anew, with a hunger deep in my soul for God’s comforting arms around me. Years later, I’m SO much better, and although I may have to take medication for the rest of my life here on earth, my Father in Heaven gets all the glory and honor for curing me day by day.

    Anxiety, depression, PTSD, are all real diseases that plague hundreds of thousands of people every day. Fear is very real in the lives of so, so many of us. What I learned during my recovery, however, is that God’s promise about fear rings true, “the Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear, the Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?”

    Nothing is too hard for God to fix and make new… NOTHING….

    Tell others about your trials and triumphs… people, saved and unsaved, need to know about the power of God….

  5. Tonyce Fox says:

    Wonderful testimony. I too have a testimony and I pray that one day God will give me the strength to share the trials and tribulations that I have gone through and are still going through. I’ve never been clinically diagnosed with anxiety, or depression, but I have many times been in depressed states and have thought of suicide. I’ve never shared this with anyone, except my mother. And because of your testimony I was able to share a little bit of what I’ve been going through with you and anyone else that is reading this. Every day, these posts inspire me to want to be a better person in Christ.

  6. iNDIGO says:

    Just realized I never looked at the comments for this post and am SOOOOO glad I did.
    @ Tonyce: That’s what this journey is all about. Becoming transparent in order to be a blessing to HELP someone else RECEIVE their VICTORY!! I praise God for your BOLDness to open up here in the comments.
    @ MomDukes: AMEN!!!!! Thank you for opening up as well. As always, THANK YOU for your continued support of our blogs!!! Your comments have become something to look forward to.
    @ Rickey: THANK YOU for the Apostle PAUL notes. You are so right. None of this stuff is new. The Bible talks about it all, so thank you for the reminder. God bless.

  7. iNDIGO says:

    @ Bianca: Indeed sis. People only think they know b/c of what they see on the surface. Everyone struggles w/ something. So I praise God for allowing me to feel at ease w/ putting this out there.
    @ A Fan: Thanks so much for your kind words…whoever you are!!! lol

  8. Vancoga says:

    I can really relate to this article. I ‘m in the mist of a set back now. :0/

    • Indigo says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I’m so sorry you’re at a set back place now. But be encouraged. Trouble don’t last always. I will be praying for you.

  9. Pingback: Check 1 Check 2… | The BOLD & The FABULOUS

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