Lord, you know my every thought.
David reflects this same thought when he wrote Psalms 139:2. He said, “You know when I sit and when I rise. You perceive my thoughts from afar.” Well I know all these things are true, Lord. Yet somehow, it just doesn’t make sense right now, so I’mma tell you. Today hasn’t started out the best, Father. And I know this could just be one of those days. The day when I don’t want anyone to talk to me, the day when I just wish the whole world would turn upside down and maybe then find some common sense and have the will to actually USE it. I want to be so quick to say something. But then I can plainly hear you when you say to me, “Be slow to speak.” Even in James, I am reminded of how I should be slow with my emotions, not always letting them interfere with my thinking. James said “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” [James 1:19] What if you had been quick to be angry with me, Father? No. I wouldn’t want that at all. Oh, how hard it is today to keep quiet, when all I want to do is lash out! But you know this, Lord. So I pray for them, (not for me?) I pray that you will rescue their souls, because where they’re headed now is not in their best interest…It is not for me to judge someone, but they make it so difficult to keep living this lifestyle. But in fact, they only keep me running to you, Father. Because in you, I find the strength I need to go forth. And I hope to be like Paul at the end of this day and be able to say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” [2 Timothy 4:7] I don’t want one bad moment in my day to spoil the rest of it. Lord, please give me patience today. Do not let me try to take over. Give me a calm spirit. I pray as David did in the Psalms when he cried out to you, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” [Psalm 51:10] Just fill me on the inside to overflowing with your peace, Father. Because I cannot go through this day like this. I pray that you would quiet my mind. I want to ignore all the commotion around me, but how much better is that when I know that as with Esther, you have sent me here for such a time as this. This can only better my relationship with you. And nothing that they say, do, think or try to do can tear me away from you. I am not alone. I love all the Scriptures that you are flooding my mind with, Father. “Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.” [James 4:17] “he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” [Esther 4:13] “My Father, who has given [you] to me is greater than all; no one can snatch [you] out of my Father’s hand.” [John 10:29] “God has said: ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” [Hebrews 13:5] I know I’m not living in ancient times and I am not Esther and I don’t have to stand before the head of this government, but I am here for a purpose. Jeremiah 29:11.[“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD (Yahweh, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE!”] You have a purpose for me, Father. I want to live it out! I want to live to my fullest potential! I want them to SEE that the reason I am different is ONLY BECAUSE OF YOU, FATHER! I WANT THEM TO KNOW!!! I pray that you will flood my mind with pure thoughts. Erase these hateful, spiteful things in my mind Father! And forgive me for thinking them in the first place. It is not my place to judge. I cannot act like God. I am not God. Forgive my nasty attitude this morning Lord. Let me live right. Let me live holy. Let me live as one you are PROUD of Lord! Forgive me for the way I treated my roommate this morning Lord. I was harsh. I see now that I can sin even in not talking. Though I say nothing, my actions say everything. And when I am through, give me the strength to apologize to her also Father. Give me the ability that I know you can to swallow my pride and take the first step in reconciling our friendship. And when it is all over and done with, give me the strength I need to forget and move forward. Let me live by your example. “Their sins and their iniquities I will remember no more.” [Hebrews 8:12] Let me forgive them and then forget, Lord. I know there is a verse in Isaiah, though I cannot remember where. It says, “I, even I am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” And also Lord, as Esther, you have called me to be a light in this dark place. A leader amongst these other students. I cannot let them change me. I will not let them influence me either. I pray that you will guide me with your hand. Let me walk in Your way. I’ve heard it said that if you brought me to it, You will bring me through it. I believe this. I give all these troubles over to you right now, Father. As the song artist sang, “He wants it all today…” “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” [Philippians 4:8] I know you have heard me. I know you will give me the strength I need. I know you love me. And I know I will make it through this day. But while, I am knowing all these things, please help me to remember to be focused on living an example for those around me to see only YOU, Lord when they look my way. I want to be hidden so much, they have to look all around Your radiant light to find me. And if they never find me, Father, that is perfectly fine with me, because that only means that all they did find, was YOU.
I love you, Lord…
Your Daughter, Claire
“I, even I am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”-Isaiah 43:25