Pulling One “Out the Closet”

I write this short with much sensitivity.  It is not aimed at criticizing any individual, as much as it is about being critical over what we say and how we use our judgment.  This past week, I struggled with a comment made by a youth leader.  Her heart for youth is undeniable and her yearning to help, unquestionable.  During an informal youth servants’ phone call, I offered the suggestion that a call for prayer requests be made before the closing prayer–at which all were in agreement.  One of the leaders then said “I think that is a great idea.  You know, one of the youth, a young man, came for general prayer…but I can tell he wanted to discuss his sexuality…well, I mean it may not be apparent to others…but I can tell that is his issue.”

I paused.  And I actually contemplated “pausing” for the entirety of the conversation.  What made me speak? I spoke because I feared that on any given Sunday, this well-intentioned leader may actually do more harm if she ever felt compelled to “out” this youth in church.  So what I said to her is simply what I want to say to you:

“There is no doubt that the Lord will reveal things to us about others that only a few can see; sometimes He will reveal things about another before that particular person is even aware of an issue or a blessing.  But, we must be careful to not have our judgment, which may be correct, be used incorrectly.  Our discernment, guided by the Holy Spirit, should be applied  within the same spirit of grace which God affords everyday–and must be used towards each other.  Each of us struggle with different issues–most are not on our sleeves and others cannot see them.  But, it may not be for us to TELL our revelations about another…even to that person; it may be for us to be a resource, to be a guide, to an open conduit–especially for youth.  I would just hate to “put on” a youth something that they were not ready or prepared to handle, unless I was sure that the Lord placed it within my capacity to be equipped to handle the situation.”

All revelations are not to be proclamations.  Our only job may be to be the eyes; someone else’s role may be to be the mouth; and another the ears.  When God reveals something to you, ask Him not only what it means, but what your role is with that revelation.  Your “outting” someone, whether it be sexuality, promiscuity, alcoholism, lying, or whatever… may actually be counter to the Master-plan. (and of course…you could be wrong #i’mjustsayin)

Be bold…with grace.






About boldandfab

Where Being A Witness Meets Chic Sophistication! Where Every Word Has Profound Meaning. It's all us...ALL REAL! B & F.
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7 Responses to Pulling One “Out the Closet”

  1. Mom Dukes says:

    Ify, well said! The issue of confidentiality within the church is an ongoing problem.. I know that I confide in my Pastor under the assumption (one I assume to be wise) that what I say to him is to receive Godly wisdom, or prayer. And women of the church are even more apt to “share” concerns of other members that have confided in them without their permission beforehand. Let’s allow the Lord to use us to help others and receive help through others… and not “out” each other for the sake of oneupmanship, gossip or controversy…. Again, well said, Ify and I thank the Lord for giving you the BOLDNESS to address this sensitive issue… Love you…

    • boldandfab says:

      Thanks Mom Dukes! …and sometimes we really DO want to help, but our plan of action doesn’t align with what God wants us to do with the information. In times like these, our delivery is just as important as our message:) Love you back!

  2. Candace says:

    I was actually faced with a similar issue. I told myself that I was waiting for an “opportunity” to address a person. I later realized I’m really paused for CONFIRMATION. Confirmation brings authority > being able to act under the authority of God gives you confidence and assurance that all is in order. Our youth should be handled with grace and love. It’s soo easy to discourage OR over church them. This post was very helpful and on time!

    • boldandfab says:

      Thank you for reading and posting Candace. It truly is a concern for many more than we all think! Sometimes there’s an urgency to wanna “act.” But I am also learning to ask God “…and then what?” What happens AFTER I act…or in your case, if you were to address that person. Would you be drawing them closer to you and God…or farther away? I agree with you…sometimes the “over-churching” of folks is not exactly a great example of Jesus’ compassion for all. Thanks again!

  3. iNDIGO says:

    Ok. Gotta reference A.C.C. on this one… DROPS MIC!!! WOWZERS!!! It’s amazing to me how people can be sometimes. I think Mo did a blog on the power of the tongue a couple weeks back. SPEAKING into or over someone’s life is major and as you mentioned, they could be wrong anyhow. Youth are impressionable. So thank you for speaking up. I praise God that your silence aka “pausing” was only temporary. Your statement, “All revelations are not to be proclamations.” sums it up. Thank you for this POWERFUL word my b&f sister.

  4. Tristan says:

    I can’t believe i missed this one. Have you considered submitting this to mag editorials? It is great Ify.

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