“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.” Plans to prosper you and do you no harm; plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.
Once again that morning I was teary; driving my three-year-old to daycare. This had been going on for a while, and it was getting old. This was not the first child of mine that got dropped off at daycare. Years ago I’d drop my older two off every morning, usually singing “free at last” all the way there and all the way to work. Besides, this was a CHRISTIAN daycare, run by my sister-in-law and her husband… two of the most Godly people I knew.
My baby girl had been in daycare since she was six weeks old. After trying three daycares in three years, we finally felt she was safe AND would be learning about the Lord; just as we were teaching her at home. So why was I teary and driving to work engulfed in a full-blown crying session all the way to work? It wasn’t because my baby didn’t want to be there; on the contrary, she LOVED “school” and all the way there talked and talked about it. The only peace I felt was at the end of each day and weekends when were all at home. To be totally honest, pretending not to know why my heart ached was easier than facing the reason I knew all too well. You see, the Lord had been speaking to my heart to leave my job and not only become a stay at home mom but to home-school my pre-school daughter.
Since giving my life to the Lord five years earlier I’d experienced firsthand the Lord’s intervention. He had delivered my husband from three years of crippling drug addictions and has since kept him clean and sober for some 18 years now. As new believers, we prayed together, asking the Lord to grant us another chance to become parents so we could raise a child from birth according to His Word. He answered that prayer two years later with the birth of our beautiful daughter. Soon after that I was tested and given first hand knowledge of the importance of forgiveness, as my All-Knowing Father gave me the courage to immediately forgive the man who brutally murdered my 19-year old son when my baby girl was seven weeks old. Losing my son just about destroyed my will to live. But the Lord held me close in His comfort and gently walked with me through my grief.
Now, He’s telling me that my place is at home with my child. This I had not prayed for. This was so “not me,” and anyone who knew me would agree with that. I’d been working since the age of 15 and I loved working for years as a Legal Assistant. Now at 42, the Lord wanted me to abandon the life I’d built and the career ladder I was happily climbing to take on one that was, in my reasoning, the last one I’d ever consider (wait.. I had NEVER considered it..) and surely a kiss of death on my life as I knew it. Also, how was I supposed to explain this to my husband? We were finally settled financially and had some big plans for our family, starting with the purchase our first home. But on one salary? No Way… Come on. How in the world was I supposed to present quitting my job to the love of my life, to become a stay at home Mom? For what seemed like forever, I was in total denial and with my husband showing NO visible or verbal signs of the Lord having a “Moses moment” with him about it made my days stressful and nights restless.
But one night, while again trying to see where this new direction would take my life and our family, I prayed for understanding. Not so much to understand why this was being asked of me, but understanding of the Lord’s direction for my life. And as I prayed everyday and night after that, I began to realize that although this had never been a desire of my heart, it was the LORD’S desire FOR my heart. I realized that the true meaning of “Be delighted with the Lord. Then He will give you all your heart’s desires.” Psalms 37:4, is just what it says; the Lord will actually REPLACE the desires of your heart, with the desires He has already chosen for you! I had no other choice but to obey God and trust Him for the outcome.
Twelve years later, my toddler is a beautiful seventeen-year-old college freshman. She excelled in home-schooling all the way through high school, with wisdom and intelligence way beyond her years; not because I knew what I was doing but because the Lord created her that way. The most important result of our family answering God’s call is our daughter loves the Lord with all her heart. Learning about the Lord from an early age and being raised under the instructions of His Holy Word has had an amazing impact on her life.
And my being at home? Well, I never wanted such a life for myself, but the Lord wanted it for me; and over the years as I began to actually enjoy it, that became all that mattered. He graciously provided for our family through my loving husband, who sometimes worked two or three jobs to keep me at home; as we trusted the Lord to be our Ultimate Provider. We actually purchased our first home back then and have since purchased another, still on one income, through the divine provisions of our Heavenly Father.
I know that the Lord has plans for all of His children. What He had planned back then for me and my family may not be what He has planned for you or your family. But the important thing though, is to listen to that still, small Voice, and be true to His calling, no matter how out of place or outrageous you or anyone else may see it to be. To this day, I humbly thank the Lord for changing me; for molding my family, and for re-directing our plans to line up with His. My husband and I are both grateful for a second chance at Godly parenthood; and for the privilege of raising one of His own.
Guest Blogger :: Letty Brown