My Arms Were Too Short To Box With God!

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.”  Plans to prosper you and do you no harm; plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. 

Once again that morning I was teary; driving my three-year-old to daycare.  This had been going on for a while, and it was getting old.  This was not the first child of mine that got dropped off at daycare. Years ago I’d drop my older two off every morning, usually singing “free at last” all the way there and all the way to work.  Besides, this was a CHRISTIAN daycare, run by my sister-in-law and her husband… two of the most Godly people I knew. 

My baby girl had been in daycare since she was six weeks old. After trying three daycares in three years, we finally felt she was safe AND would be learning about the Lord; just as we were teaching her at home.  So why was I teary and driving to work engulfed in a full-blown crying session all the way to work?  It wasn’t because my baby didn’t want to be there; on the contrary, she LOVED “school” and all the way there talked and talked about it.  The only peace I felt was at the end of each day and weekends when were all at home. To be totally honest, pretending not to know why my heart ached was easier than facing the reason I knew all too well.  You see, the Lord had been speaking to my heart to leave my job and not only become a stay at home mom but to home-school my pre-school daughter.

Since giving my life to the Lord five years earlier I’d experienced firsthand the Lord’s intervention.  He had delivered my husband from three years of crippling drug addictions and has since kept him clean and sober for some 18 years now.  As new believers, we prayed together, asking the Lord to grant us another chance to become parents so we could raise a child from birth according to His Word.  He answered that prayer two years later with the birth of our beautiful daughter.  Soon after that I was tested and given first hand knowledge of the importance of forgiveness, as my All-Knowing Father gave me the courage to immediately forgive the man who brutally murdered my 19-year old son when my baby girl was seven weeks old.  Losing my son just about destroyed my will to live. But the Lord held me close in His comfort and gently walked with me through my grief.     

Now, He’s telling me that my place is at home with my child.  This I had not prayed for.  This was so “not me,”  and anyone who knew me would agree with that.   I’d been working since the age of 15 and I loved working for years as a Legal Assistant.  Now at 42, the Lord wanted me to abandon the life I’d built and the career ladder I was happily climbing to take on one that was, in my reasoning, the last one I’d ever consider (wait.. I had NEVER considered it..) and surely a kiss of death on my life as I knew it.  Also, how was I supposed to explain this to my husband?  We were finally settled financially and had some big plans for our family, starting with the purchase our first home.  But on one salary?  No Way… Come on. How in the world was I supposed to present quitting my job to the love of my life, to become a stay at home Mom?  For what seemed like forever, I was in total denial and with my husband showing NO visible or verbal signs of the Lord having a “Moses moment” with him about it made my days stressful and nights restless.  

But one night, while again trying to see where this new direction would take my life and our family, I prayed for understanding.  Not so much to understand why this was being asked of me, but understanding of the Lord’s direction for my life.  And as I prayed everyday and night after that, I began to realize that although this had never been a desire of my heart, it was the LORD’S desire FOR my heart.  I realized that the true meaning of “Be delighted with the Lord.  Then He will give you all your heart’s desires.” Psalms 37:4, is just what it says; the Lord will actually REPLACE the desires of your heart, with the desires He has already chosen for you!  I had no other choice but to obey God and trust Him for the outcome. 

Twelve years later, my toddler is a beautiful seventeen-year-old college freshman.  She excelled in home-schooling all the way through high school, with wisdom and intelligence way beyond her years; not because I knew what I was doing but because the Lord created her that way.  The most important result of our family answering God’s call is our daughter loves the Lord with all her heart.  Learning about the Lord from an early age and being raised under the instructions of  His Holy Word has had an amazing impact on her life.  

And my being at home? Well, I never wanted such a life for myself, but the Lord wanted it for me; and over the years as I began to actually enjoy it, that became all that mattered.  He graciously provided for our family through my loving husband, who sometimes worked two or three jobs to keep me at home; as we trusted the Lord to be our Ultimate Provider.  We actually purchased our first home back then and have since purchased another, still on one income, through the divine provisions of our Heavenly Father.   

I know that the Lord has plans for all of His children. What He had planned back then for me and my family may not be what He has planned for you or your family. But the important thing though, is to listen to that still, small Voice, and be true to His calling, no matter how out of place or outrageous you or anyone else may see it to be.  To this day, I humbly thank the Lord for changing me; for molding my family, and for re-directing our plans to line up with His.  My husband and I are both grateful for a second chance at Godly parenthood; and for the privilege of raising one of His own. 

Guest Blogger :: Letty Brown

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About boldandfab

Where Being A Witness Meets Chic Sophistication! Where Every Word Has Profound Meaning. It's all us...ALL REAL! B & F.
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22 Responses to My Arms Were Too Short To Box With God!

  1. Campus Security(Dad) says:

    Hey mrs lady (smile) I love the blog. Yes I do remember seeing the Lord work that whole thing out, and thank God for the strengh and love that you have been given by him to want to serve them in all areas of life. The Lord gave me what I needed in you and He is good at doing just that. True I could understand the beening a stay at home mom for you only because of my seeing both my parents leaving the home every morning growing up as a child, but I to have benefited greatly from that decision and I thank God for putting it on your heart and than Him and I have that heart-to-heart, GOD to man talk. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH and thank GOD for you everyday whether the sun is shining or it is raining, for better or worse, sickness or health, richer or poorer, til death do us part. LOML

  2. boldandfab says:

    Awwwwwww!!!! I thank you for listening to the Lord, Mom.

  3. indigo says:

    Beautiful blog Mrs Brown! As a person w/ no kids, I really admire all good parents, but home-schooling SUCCESSFULLY takes a lot of selflessness & discipline, so I applaud your honoring God through how you chose to raise your daughter. Thank you for sharing your testimony w/ our readers.

  4. Tristan says:

    Its not for everyone but praise god for your story.

    • Mom Dukes says:

      Thanks Tristan! No, homeschooling is not for everyone, but one of the principle objectives of every believer’s life (at least it should be, anyway) is to obey the Lord’s direction for their lives. I personally know two young Black families (who are very special to me) that are now homeschooling their children. They are all doing well and I thank the Lord for their obedience to this calling on their lives.

  5. Pingback: Carnival of Homeschooling: Making Time for Things That Matter- 2011 Planning | Janice Campbell

  6. Nancy says:

    This is a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing about your spiritual and homeschool journey.
    Godspeed,
    Nancy

    • Mom Dukes says:

      Thanks Nancy! Jeremiah 29:11 was my lifeline to the Lord during those homeschool years. My husband and I both know and beleive wholeheartedly that it was a wonderful journey, one that we wouldn’t change for all the money in the world! Be Blessed!

  7. Carletta says:

    What an amazing testimony! Job well done.

  8. boldandfab says:

    I love this…and thank you Mrs. Brown for your sacrifice and your offspring. It reminds me of the many Biblical persons who committed their children to the Lord. Thank you for your example and sacrifice.

    Ify

  9. Andrea says:

    Interesting blog entry, Keep it up!

  10. Janette says:

    Thank you for such a an open testimony – what a encouragement for me as mother homeschooling two boys that it is worth it:-)

  11. Rhapsody says:

    Blessings…..
    Wonderful story. God’s plans for us looks different on each of us and it takes courage to let go and let God.

    I am glad you are happy. Stay blessed and delight in the Lord.
    Rhapsody

    • Mom Dukes says:

      Thanks Rhapsody! Feb 14th was my 23rd Wedding Anniversary! My family has been SOOOO blessed by the Lord truly each and everyday! Yes, we are happy and that is a privilege available to all who hold God’s Truths deep within their hearts… Be Blessed!

  12. Pingback: The Power of Words

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