As I am contemplating making a life-changing decision regarding my health and well-being, I started to think about why we go back to situations or habits that we know are bad for us? I believe this info can be applied across the board – on a job, in a relationship or even some bad habits we may be trying to change. This is my opinion based on my experiences…hope it helps somebody today, God Bless!
Know WHY you are done. This is the most important one I think. So many times we make a decision to end something but if we are confronted with the question, “Why?” We stutter, stammer, and putz around with the answer. When you have decided to end it, be clear as to why you have made that decision. Your own thoughts or the subtle influence of others will try to combat your decision with the good times or an answer to change your mind BECAUSE you aren’t clear and if you don’t know the answer for yourself, it will be easy for you to change your mind and go back to whatever that thing is that you are trying to let go; or worst yet, in the case of a person, it will be easier for them to talk you out of the decision that you felt so strongly about when you started the discussion. If it’s a bad habit, such as cursing or smoking because *gasp* there are actually Christians who still do both, think about WHY this decision is for your good.
Be UNWAIVERING in your decision. “Simply let your yes be yes and your no, no..” comes to mind on this one – that’s scripture by the way. It is very easy for us to say “no” to something but then our actions display something else. This is closely tied to the first one because if we know why we have decided on something without a shadow of doubt, we will be better able to stay committed to our decision because we can always call on that reason to say “oh yeah, I refuse to go back to that because of ________”. People will pull out all the stops when they don’t want you to abandon them. When they feel backed in a corner or deserted they will promise you the stars, but don’t fall for it. Recall Step #1 and be steadfast.
Beware of the ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER syndrome. My aunt used to say, “I never go back to my exes because the reason we broke up in the first place is still there, they have just had enough time to hide it really well.” I think this is soooo accurate. I can remember countless times that I have dated or befriended someone in the past and lost touch with them after a really ugly break-up or falling out and then I saw them some time later and can only recall all of the good times (initially) that we had. Then I force myself to remember why we fell out to begin with (again going back to the first one). This is not to say I haven’t forgiven them or even sometimes still love them but I have to choose to love them from a distance for my mental – and sometimes spiritual, physical and emotional – health’s sake!
Be GRACIOUS. Saying no to something or someone is not a punishment. Anyone who tries to make you feel like you are punishing them because you are choosing to do what is best for you has problems. I am not saying that to be judgmental or mean but so that you will have grace on them. Grace does not mean you let them treat you like a doormat and berate or disrespect you. Grace means that you are firm but mindful of their feelings enough to NOT say something attacking or mean-spirited. Let them know that you understand but you need to do this for yourself and you pray that over time they find peace with your decision. If they never do – that is not your problem either. Sometimes when it is a bad habit, you can’t be as gracious so I think this only applies when we are dealing with people and relationships.
Don’t LOOK BACK. Be Done. Don’t dwell on the shoulda-woulda-couldas and beat yourself up for what you did or didn’t do. Learn from your experience and believe that you have made the right decision and stand firm in that decision with confidence. Hold your head up and keep moving to the next challenge or relationship. Keep your heart open and ready to embrace the next right relationship/friendship/opportunity with no baggage from the past to block your blessings!
Guest Blogger :: Cyrkle Lomax