I’ve been a bit out of it lately as you could probably tell from my last blog. To me it read like a bunch of rambling words with no clear direction of where they were going. I was so unmotivated to do anything these past few weeks but I’m making up for it this week! I can’t say I’m completely cured but I’m back to share a valuable lesson that was spoken to me a few days ago. This is probably the boldest message I’ve written thus far and may step on some toes but it’s a necessary topic that many churches shy away from to the detriment of the members who battle with it everyday.
Last week I had the pleasure of modeling in a fashion show for the organization called Worth the Wait. Of course strutting the runway was fun and brought back fond memories of my high school and college days but what made it so much more special was the message behind the clothing and the lives that were impacted as a result. I could go on and on about all that went on from the runway, the spoken word, the skits, and musical performances but I’ll get to the best part … “The Real Conversation” portion of the program.
I had the pleasure of witnessing one of my favorites share her story of sexual purity with teenagers and young adults. I’ve heard it many times before …doctor, author, minister, entrepreneur, and virgin at the age of 34 until she married her husband last October where they shared their first kiss at the altar. Sounds like perfection right … I know what many of you are thinking, that’s crazy! Or better yet, impossible. Okay… let me continue.
For the first time I got to hear her husband’s side of the story. I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to hear from a man. I know what your thinking, he’s a corny looking virgin church boy that was sheltered all his life and couldn’t get any play from anyone else. HA!! WRONG! Dude is an attractive, ex college athlete that prided himself on getting as many girls as he could so he was most certainly not a virgin when they met. He talked about how unfulfilling his relationships became after sleeping together. He reveals that he was never taught about sexual purity and never had a successful marriage to want to model after. He was taught by the streets on how to be a man and a big part of being a man meant having sex. Though he was familiar with the church, he never considered himself to have a real relationship with God so he began to mature a bit spiritually. His obedience led him to Lindsay and now look at them.
Here’s a summary of what spoke to me and gave me the confirmation I needed about the decision to live my life pleasing to God:
- 1. Agape Love vs. “Love” aka LUST
When your marriage is filled with Agape love, sex is not about fulfilling your own desires. The wife’s aim is to please the husband and the husband’s aim is to please the wife. It’s an unselfish experience that separates agape love from “worldly” love, which is often a disguise for lust. Sexual experiences that are void of that Agape love are all about pleasing yourself at the expense of someone else.
- 2. A price was paid for you
We were all bought with a price and our worth is far above rubies. (Prov. 31:10 A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman–who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls).The sooner you understand your value, the sooner you will stop handing out discounts! Things that are hot commodities never go on sale because people know that the quality they are receiving is worth paying full price!!! Let the discount shopper GO!!! Discount shoppers are never willing to pay full price for anything.
- 3. There is a season for everything
It’s important to know the season you’re in. You’re trying to find love when God is speaking to you to start your own business or get a masters degree. You get impatient and sacrifice what God is calling you to do to fit your timeline. I liken it to trying to plant flowers in the winter or fish in an area where the catches have migrated from for the season. It’s out of order and it will not produce what you are expecting because it’s not the season for it. You are possibly spinning your wheels in an area that you’re not ready for yet.
I hope this speaks to everyone, but especially my teenage girls and women who find themselves in relationships where they feel like they have to compromise their walk in the name of “love” or have compromised their walk in the name of “love.” It’s never too late to choose God’s way. Your body belongs to Him not him. He created you and until you commit yourself under God to the man destined to be your husband, sexual purity is the way to go.
LADIES, I know what you’re thinking so let me go ahead and answer. If he leaves, he’s moving out the way for the person who can appreciate your worth! If that’s the only way he can think of to express “love” then you’d get bored fast anyway! If he chooses someone else, more than likely it’s because of the discount! Gone are the days that you attract the “typical” dude that values sex more than he values finding a virtuous woman (Prov. 31). Let him go find a “typical” girl so they can live the “typical” life that won’t ruffle any feathers and will fit into the status quo. Be satisfied in knowing that you are setting yourself apart so that your Boaz won’t have to search through all the carbon copies to find YOU.
BUT, if God doesn’t hold much weight in any other part of your life, it shouldn’t be expected that He would hold weight in your sex life. I know this is bold talk. And some of you may not have liked it too much. You say living a sexually pure lifestyle isn’t natural, well you’re right. To the natural world it is pure insanity, but to God it’s the natural order and if we are made in His likeness than what’s important to God should be important to us. I’m sure it’s not natural to God to have AIDS running rampant in the world or have young unwed mothers struggling to raise their children alone. That’s not the plan of God for His people but we make our own plans don’t we? It’s called free will.
I encourage you to read up on that Agape love, STOP GIVING OUT DISCOUNTS, and know the season you’re in. I know that this is tough talk, but I hope you receive it in love. I’m not speaking on anything I don’t know about and haven’t gone through first hand. Trust that I’m not judging anyone because my story is far from perfect. I’m also a product of a single mother so I don’t downplay that at all. My goal is to expose you to a new way of thinking so that you can make an informed choice on how you want to lead your life. I’m a firm believer that when you KNOW better, you DO better and if I have to put my business out there to get the point across than so be it… it’s part of being BOLD and FABULOUS!!
Before you go, please take a moment to check out the link to a video of a talented spoken word poet named Janette who I hope to connect with soon. Her poem speaks to what I’ve shared perfectly. It’s called “I Will Wait For You.” Pure truth.
Tuesdays with Bianca