I have fallen in that rut once again. You know? The one where backsliding becomes habit and wrong feels so right…
I haven’t felt worthy enough to write because of the bad decisions that I have made in the last few days, until today. Today I received a word directly from my Father that was once again confirmation that even when I fall, I am still HIS.
Lately I have been searching for something. Honestly, I don’t even know what it is that I am searching for, but I’ve been feeling somewhat empty. In this feeling, I have allowed myself to use other things in efforts to try and fulfill this emptiness. As I search, and fall, and search some more, the only thing that remains consistent is GOD. My pastor said today that God sees me as the Light, Faithful, a Friend, an Heir, Righteous, a Saint, Loved, Bought, Strong, a Lender, the Head, and HIS CHILD. I am His.
Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in: God is MY Father. The DNA tests prove that I was made by Him. He knew me when I was in my mothers womb. He knew the mistakes I would make and the ways I would fall. I realized today that the enemy is the one reminding me of every sin, causing me to dwell in Hell. BUT GOD!!!! God is the voice whispering that He loves me, whispering that He cares. As I move forward beyond repentance, I realize that prayer and fasting is needed for me to find whatever it is I’ve been searching for. If anyone else is in this place, please receive the words I heard:
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”. – Matthew 6:33