breaking-news1Anywhere, USA–(Rooters) An unofficial report has been leaked revealing that after studying human interaction for generations, most conflicts started from one thing: the eyeroll.  Yes, in private homes, cafes, and even workplaces across America, emotional sensor cameras have picked up elevated levels of annoyance, hate, and envy–even when not verbalized.tyra eyeroll

“It’s something we have known for quite some time but it’s been difficult to prove.  We are almost certain that the leading cause of death in most regions is not guns or disease, but what is commonly referred to as “beef,” explains Dr. Grace Hassaway.  “Common factors leading up to beef are usually not detectable to the human eye.  People are very good at masking their dislike for other people, but the eyeroll is an action we can now detect.  We also find that eyerolls occur even when no trace of beef exists.  For example, those who suffer from SME, or Social Media Eyerolling, often eyeroll at and screwface close family and friends.”


Radioactive data picked up from scientific emotional sensors

Interestingly, an exit survey of eyerollers (who were unaware they were being watched) expressed “annoyance” with the reoccurring accomplishments and blessings of others, than they do at the failures of others.

“I mean, why she ALWAYS gotta tell folks about all the great things in her life.  We get it…you doing well!” said one SME sufferer, who chose to remain anonymous.

“It’s like everyday, nonstop. Oh my husband is so good to me. Oh my kids made straight As. Oh God has opened doors when another was shut. Like, no one needs a midday testimonial all the time,” SME sufferer, Shadii Smith, explains when discussing why she eyerolls her best friend’s status messages. “But I mean, she don’t know I feel this way.  I always end up ‘liking’ her silly posts anyway…so no harm, right?”

Not right, Shadii Boots. Not right.

While other members of the research team continued to investigate the reasons why eyerolls are so common, especially by people that are perceived to be close in relationships, Dr. Grace Hassaway was curious about the unforseen consequences of eyerolls.  In an unconventional move, she consulted spiritual leaders and is working on a eyerolling prevention plan.  She felt it was important for the following reasons:

1. Eyerolling is addictive, contagious, and a nasty habit.

Eyerolling usually occurs from one of two “Js”: judgment or jealousy.  While judgment is a necessary tool humans use to make informed decisions, it can cloud how we treat others, and even our interpretation of another’s circumstances.  Unfortunately, with outlets like reality television becoming a normal form of entertainment, we are unknowingly judges of strangers and their situations–even when we are relaxing at home.  Eyerolling, accompanied by usual phrases of “who does she think she is?” and “that’s what she gets” seem innocent when talking about people we don’t know.  But this practice often seeps into real life.

The other “J,” Jealousy, has been an enemy of mankind since biblical times.  The definition of jealous is thewhy-you-mad-tho1feeling of resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages.”  So destructive is this feeling that the 10 Commandments has it as one of it’s “no-no’s”: Thou Shall Not Covet.  (Exodus 20:17).  Covet is the equivalent of envy, and is mainly triggered by one of our five senses: sight.  Over time, what we see develops into how we think and talk.   But this is counterproductive.  The “I wish this b***h would stop letting us know how good things are,” is actually revealing one’s thoughts about the Creator who enabled those good things to happen.  Hardening one’s heart to those who celebrate their triumphs can leave one in an unknown chronic state of undiagnosed hate.

2.  Eyerolling is a gateway to delusional behavior.

Many people can control the occasional eyeroll, especially when it is in response to “on the spot” foolishness (which experts are now referring to as “sideeye” to keep the two concepts separate).  But constant eyerolling can turn a temporary judgment to a permanent perception about another.  And what better way to see if your “eyerolling” is justifiable…then calling up a couple girlfriends to talk about who you eyerolling at?  Dr. Grace Hassaway explains it as “Justified Character Assassin.”


We have found consistent behaviors by people who eyeroll.  They stay fixed on certain people that they secretly, and often subconsciously, just love to hate on sometimes–maybe a sister, friend, colleague.  And almost as a way to deflect their real feelings of judgment and/or jealousy (which often stems from personal insecurities), they invite a more serious syndrome: gossip.  Very carefully, usually through a best friend (because we all assume if we chat with our bestie, then it can’t be gossip), we engage in isolated safe spaces of gossip–talking about how such and such is “showing off,” or bragging, or for those super spiritual pals, how you just wish some folks would be more “humble.”  The validation of one’s gossip often leads to further character assassinations, instead of community uplifting and congratulatory love.–pg. 3 of pamphlet.

And why does this matter?  Well, simply put…envy decays relationships.  See Proverbs 14:30, where it says “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”  Eyerolling can lead to a domino effect of targeted hate–usually unknown to the targeted individual (who is just living they life like its golden).  And because God has a funny way of blessing those who get hated on by they crew (look at how Joseph was treated by his brothers…with his technicolor self), your eyeroll is only blocking your blessings…not theirs. (Although Dr. Hassaway has also noted that targeted hate, once realized, can harm another’s self-esteem and confidence. Don’t be a KillJoy).

3. Eyerolling is preventable.

The simple response when others are happy with their lives…is to be happy for them! (Romans 12:15).  Dr. Grace Hassaway stated that when those suffering from SME admitted their issues with judgment–especially of others’ successes–and purposely started encouraging more than judging, a genuine difference was acknowledged.  “Habits aren’t easily broken,” says the Doc. “It takes at least 21 days to break habits related to diet and exercise.  So you can imagine how much it takes to reprogram the mind.  Like anything else, such thoughts must be reflected on.  Asking yourself “what is really bothering me

A comparison of a healthy heart that chose to love, and a decaying heart suffering from years of eyerolling.

A comparison of a healthy heart that chose to love, and a decaying heart suffering from years of eyerolling.

about this person?, often leads to revelations about ourselves.  While on one hand we say we support each other’s dreams, we aren’t that good at supporting each other once dreams become reality.  And this has consequences.  We never stop to think that the reason some don’t talk to us as much anymore may have nothing to do with their fame or fortune.  They may have just got tired of being secretly hated on…and decided to be around folks that cultivate their life instead of bring it down.”

And that is definitely some food for thought.  This report will not be televised, but hopefully, it will be utilized.

Reporter: #IfyThursdays (find her at @IfyIkeEsq)

Newspaper: BoldandFab Times


About boldandfab

Where Being A Witness Meets Chic Sophistication! Where Every Word Has Profound Meaning. It's all us...ALL REAL! B & F.
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  1. Jocelyn "iNDIGO" Saunders says:

    It’s official…you’re a genius. Bottom line.

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