I’ve been asked to tell you all – the readers – something about myself. Funny because, when I write, I usually write about ME. Who I am – my experiences and perception of what I’ve experienced are a big part of what I write and what I speak on. I try not to speak on what I don’t know about, but I’m open to learning about what I don’t know; hence my LOVE of research. I was one of those kids who could sit and read through the encyclopedia for hours. Google!?!? I’m a fan. I love that most of what we want to know about can be found in writing somewhere…source carefully considered and all.
No one has just one story. I love that. I’m not just one person, but several people. Who I am to you, may be totally different for someone else, but I’m still CELINE. I’m still ME. Putting someone in one box or category limits your experience of them, being open to all of someone can be scary…opening up all of you can be also, but doing so with the right person or people has the potential of being an immeasurably beautiful relationship. As I strive to be seen and accepted for who I am, I also try to give that acceptance. A lot of times I end up giving more than I get, but that’s a blog post for another day…
So here goes –
I am a woman. Some things about being a woman I embrace, others I took for granted thinking the grass was greener on the male side of the fence. Acceptance has lifted a weight I carried for years. Loving the skin I’m in more and more each day. I’d limited my view of being a woman by only looking at how I felt loved or not loved by others. Getting to know just how much God loves women has helped me a great deal.
I am a mother. There are things that you can’t truly know what you’re signing up for until you’re in it. Being a mother has taught me more about my capacity to love, be patient, forgive, accept…more about flexibility than any other experience in my life.
I am a daughter. Some things shape you in ways you have no control over. What I can control is how much I allow it to shape me. Still doing the work of forgiveness knowing that they did the best they could with what they had. Seeing my parents through adult eyes, I can only wish for them the blessings and peace I now have with all they chose for me and decided wasn’t for me. I get to choose now and that’s HUGE.
I am a sister. I’m a big sister. AHA! Perhaps that’s why I find it hard to be a “little sister” and take the advice of others. I’m opening up to it though. Baby steps. Being a sister to my younger brothers seems natural though. They’re my first and lifelong friends. As my baby brother once said to me, “I don’t have to say I love you with words. You’re my sister and that’s the same thing. It just is…” I’m also a sister-friend to many women. We share our lives with each other, and thankfully without judgment but the occasional loving nudge; always wanting the best for each other.
I am a perpetual student. I’ve always got a book in my hand and one waiting to be picked up. I love learning and the possibilities and my capacity to learn new things are endless. I love that about life. In addition to reading, I learn by doing and trying new things. I also love to travel and experience different cultures.
I am a writer. Well that’s self-explanatory. In order to memorialize things that stand out, move me, give me pause, cause me to think, grow…things I need to digest…I write them down. Writing helps me share. I love to uplift, encourage and help others. Writing…words have tremendous power. I strive to use their power for good.
I am an athlete. I’ve loved how exercise makes me feel for years. It’s always been my place of comfort and sanity. Being active has kept me centered when I could easily go off the deep end. My dad used to make us bike ride and hike. Our mother took us swimming throughout the summer. The love of the outdoors stuck with me and my brothers. When I was going through my separation and divorce (I was a wife) – I ran… My love of running continued to build to the tune of THREE marathons. Just as I desired to learn to run, I longed to be out on the water. I was an avid dragon boater for several years and was on teams that won medals up and down the east coast. I took my love for yoga to a level where I could lead others in practice. Sometimes I get asked, ‘Do you still run?’ ‘Do you still row?’ *shrugs* Right now, I’m more focused on my spiritual training than the physical. Yes I still get physical and strive to eat right in order to maintain good health, but it’s not my primary focus anymore.
I am a child. DO OVER time. God is a healer and restorer. I’m big girl enough to admit that there are things I feel that I missed out on, things I didn’t get in my childhood that I feel would’ve made me better equipped for life ahead…or some of the life I’ve now left behind. I previously wrote about how I’ve been adopted by our heavenly Father. I forgive my earthly parents for not being perfect. Hopefully one day, my daughter will do the same for me. Right now, I’m loving my new childhood. When you see me smiling and enjoying my life each day, what you don’t see is me holding my Dad’s hand and talking to Him about my day and what’s ahead. I get to grow up in His household, with His love and His guidance and comfort (boy have I cried on His shoulder). It may look like all types of crazy to some, but see if I care. It feels like every kind of wonderful to me.
I am my triumphs and defeats, wins and losses, successes and failures…None of it defines me, but all of it makes me who I am. I can’t take part of me and throw out the rest, because my experiences, my past and my present make me up as a whole. I’m not one page, one chapter, or even one book. I’m a small library…Some of which you all get to read every Saturday or in my daily Facebook posts. I pray that He leads me to share what is helpful and beneficial…for my life story, my testimony is all for His glory.
The beauty of life is just when you think you’ve got YOU figured out, you find out that you aren’t who you thought you were at all; and that’s okay. God reveals to me more about myself as time goes by. He gives me just what I can handle, enough to stretch me further and shape me into who He wants me to be. He’s making me better, because I choose growth over stagnation; I choose to allow Him to order my steps, because I want what He wants for me. I’m grateful for the opportunities I’m given, the chances I take (even the missteps and mistakes), and the freedom to make the choices I make daily.
I know WHO I AM today, and that’s subject to change; WHOSE I AM is not. ❤