Had a recent conversation with one of my closest friends and found out she didn’t really know me. I thought I was being transparent. I’ve been working on being vulnerable and letting others help me. So I was a little shocked. Her view of me was that I had things together. I sure don’t and thought I’d been letting her in on my mistakes and areas that I felt lost. It got me to thinking, as much as we complain about meeting someone else’s representative, we have one or two of our own.
It also got me to wondering, just how many people go with you on your first date or even the first few dates? I count a possible six. SIX!
1 and 2 – Who each of you are
3 – Who you think they are
4 – Who they think you are
5 – Who you think they want you to be
6 – Who they think you want them to be
Man! That’s a crowd. Makes me wonder, who are the people that end up in the relationship? And wait, don’t move too fast because frustration WILL set in… Frustrated because you’re tired of being somebody else, afraid to be you for perhaps being rejected, confused when you start being yourself and they don’t like you anymore. How did we get here?
Are we really happy here
With this lonely game we play
Looking for words to say
Searching but not finding
We’re lost in a masquerade
Both afraid to say we’re just too far away
From being close together from the start
We tried to talk it over but the words got in the way
We’re lost inside this lonely game we play
Thoughts of weeping disappear
Every time I see your eyes
No matter how hard I try
To understand the reasons
That we carry on this way
We’re lost in a masquerade
That’s a pretty awesome George Benson jazz song by the way. Check it out here. But wait…Keep reading. 🙂
Here’s a novel idea, try being yourself from the start and leave your preconceived ideas about the other person at home and let them fill in the blanks as you go forward, IF you go forward. I know it sounds like work, but it’ll be less work than what we’ve been doing.
If you’re dating with a view towards marriage, you’re looking to connect with the person with whom you’ll likely have the most vulnerable relationship. How can you learn, grow and love an imposter? It happens all the time. Remember Tamia’s song, Stranger in my House?
Reasons, I can think of, that people have representatives – Insecurity; Lack of self-love; Lack of trust because of past hurts. These are all things worth working on. There’s nothing to be ashamed of because we are all flawed in some way and worthy of being loved despite our flaws. Playing games and tricks on people to gain their attention, affection and trust…Well I wouldn’t want that done to me.
Reasons for preconceived notions – We have a “list;” A fantasy of what a relationship is supposed to look like…It can vary. Stop it! You want to be loved and accepted for you and so do they. Let them show you who they are. Be confident. Be bold enough to be yourself. Time will reveal if there’s a love connection. A friend connection is nice too.
We want intimacy (Into Me See) but won’t uncover our true identity. It’s okay to be you. Not everyone will like you, but some will love you. Do you love you? There’s a difference between compromising to please someone and being someone else to gain their approval. The latter can be exhausting. Compromise, when mutual, can be beneficial and bring both of you joy.
In order to have meaningful interactions on purpose, we need to leave our representatives and preconceived notions at home. It’ll make the dating and relationship process less exhausting…We just might make a lasting connection.
After all, real love doesn’t need any masks. It covers our faults on its own.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8
Happy healthy relationship building. ❤