Don’t you hate it when God totally one-ups you at your own theology? …….Yea me neither. I think it’s pretty awesome.
So a couple weeks ago I woke up at 5AM to get ready to be in DC to have a meeting discussing my possible representation of a nonprofit organization. I hate waking up early. I don’t know what night owl does. But, nonetheless, things were going well with my morning that day as they usually do on days in which a grand disturbance occurs. Things were going so well that by the time I got done with my errands, I still had an hour before my 10AM. So instead of leaving the shopping plaza and going over to the Starbucks, I decided to slip over into the passenger’s seat of my parked SUV and lay my seat back and catch a nap. It was a great nap, let me tell you. I don’t usually nap well, so that’s saying something. Any who, my alarm goes off, I drearily get out of my passenger’s side door, I lock the door and close it, go around my car to the driver’s side and realize that my keys are sitting on the seat inside of the car I just locked. I just locked myself out of my car. I was now fully awake. I slapped my hands on the windows as if to say to time itself, “Wait! No! Go back! I didn’t mean that!” And, as fast as I could, I rounded the car trying every door handle as if there was some sort of 5 second rule for locking yourself out of the car. Locked. And my meeting was in 15 minutes. Shoot me. In my dismay I looked into the sky and, in all seriousness, pleaded with God to unlock my car.
“God, you parted the Red Sea, I knoooooow you can just lift the little lock thingy and let me back in my car, c’mon.”
“God you know that I’m trying to do Your will and it’s stuff like this that just gets in the way and I just need a little help here. Please just unlock my car.”
Meeting was now in 13 minutes. Time to consider that, for whatever reason, God’s answer might be “no” and start looking for alternatives. But what a BUMMER!!! This totally sucks. I had had a locksmith come to let me back in my car before and it cost me every bit of $250. Now, I would loooove for any person who reads this to believe that I’m the type of person that has my stuff together to where $250 for me is like, “Ugh… whatever, here” and slaps down $250 all nonchalant just to correct a silly split-second mishap – but that is not the case. From where I’m sitting right now, $250 to get keys from the other side of the window into my hand was a maaaaaajor stress and felt like a blow to my stomach. My mom had kept telling me to get AAA but I had still never done it. I had thought a million times to get the little key box that latches under the car, but I never did that either. This was just one of those “gosh I wish I woulda ________” moments and now it was probably going to cost me $250, a great opportunity and a whole lot of wasted time. I called a couple of locksmiths to get some prices. Yep. $250ish. Thank you. very much. for ruining my life… I scheduled with the cheapest one and went back to praying.
“God it would be reeeeeeally cool if you could just unlock my car. I don’t see why you wouldn’t???”
“Ok, look, I’m sorry for not having enough faith. You said that we have not cuz we ask not or we ask in unbelief. I DO believe! Help me with my unbelief!”
“I guess it’s not so much that I think you can’t do it. It would be a miracle. But I sometimes feel that you won’t do it. Yea, I’m sorry about that. I believe that You will! Please unlock it!”
I glanced back at my car locks to see if it worked. Nope. Still locked.
“Well how am I suppose to have faith in the fact that You will do it if I ask and you never do it?!” Yea… I was starting to get irritated, and thus, ballsy. I pretty much gave up from that point.
“Well I guess the answer’s no. I don’t see why I feel called to do all these great things and I can’t even get through a morning without stupid stuff like this throwing everything off.”
Twenty minutes past my meeting time and I still couldn’t get in touch with the guy I was
suppose to be meeting with. I no longer cared. This was a wasted morning. I should have stayed in bed. Sleeping would have proven far more productive and far less expensive. I was desperate. I texted my friends and told them to “pray that God unlocks my car door.” I didn’t get why God wouldn’t do something so simple for me. Was there some catastrophe maybe that He was sparing me from? Did I not demonstrate enough holiness or obedience or faith to deserve it? Did He want me to call the locksmith and cancel to prove my faith?
Too late. The locksmith finally arrived. I explained what happened and he went over the rates with me once more and asked if I agreed to the price for the job. I was silent. He asked me if I had the money. I said, “Yes… to be honest… I do have it… I just..” and I looked to my right through the window at the keys sitting there on the seat. I shrugged and shook my head. “It’s fine.” I knew it wasn’t his problem. I wasn’t going to embarrass myself any further. It was my fault I locked my keys in my car. It was my fault for not taking the necessary precautions to have a back up key. It was my fault for the fact that $250 was a big deal to me. Now I was going to pay for it all.
The locksmith looked in the sky and then looked back at me and said, “Okay. Look, I’m gonna do it for free. Alright?” And walked back to his truck to gather his tools.
My very first thought was, “Oh my God… You just unlocked my car.” I teared up immediately as soon as I realized I was still in real life as he proceeded to wedge his tool in the door. I thanked him over and over and within 30 seconds, maximum, my car door popped open. I couldn’t believe it. I had him follow me to a bank with an ATM around the corner so that I could tip him and I gave him a handful of lollipops from the bank teller, which made him laugh. As he drove away I thanked God for this little miracle, to which He replied,
“You always want Me to perform a so-called miracle with inanimate object in this magic trick kind of way. What should really impress you – My greatest miracles – are the ones I perform within the hearts of men.”
Don’t you hate it when God totally one-ups you at your own theology? …….Yea me neither. I think it’s pretty awesome. I was happy the rest of the morning. And that’s really saying something, cuz as soon as I went to leave out of the parking lot, I found that I had to go BACK in the store to get “validation” to leave the parking lot…. whatever…. and then when I came out to leave again I encountered another driver who was angry at the UNIVERSE and dropped the F-bomb my way probably 15 or 16 times and I had to encourage an exhausted parking lot gatekeeper who was welling up while he struggled to correct the ticket machine. And, oh yea, the guy that I was suppose to meet with denied that we ever scheduled for that day……. And I just smiled. 🙂 Because God spoke. It just always makes stuff better. I had a show that night and got to tell a lot of my loved ones about it, and now I’m writing it here, which really worries me. Because I hate little stupid things that happen in life like that morning. But as Francesca Battistelli puts it – this is the kind of stuff He seems to use.