20-years of marriage. I always knew we’d make it here. Things is… when we said our “I do’s” on September 7, 1996, I had no clue the level of commitment, selflessness, effort, and intentional loving this journey would require from me. I was technically an adult… 21-years young. However, I had minimal examples to glean upon. My own parents divorced when I was merely seven years old.
But somehow I always knew we’d make it here.
Even with our hardest moments in years past (and we’ve definitely had a few notables), they never managed to hold enough weight to keep us down.
Like seriously… there have been days since our beautiful blessing came into this world, that I have said the word DIVORCE (and I despise that word)… that we have slept apart… that we have gone without speaking for an entire day/night.
You see, nobody told me about the rejection side… that being pregnant can zap your sex drive early in the pregnancy or that husbands often look upon a pregnant wife’s body in the last couple of months as some type of glorious shrine that he doesn’t want his man part to disrupt in any way. Trust me when I say, That area of our marriage ALWAYS been super dope & effortless. So, that was challenging to say the least.
Nobody told me about the sad side… that you could have an infant with Colic who cries the entire time they are awake, without ceasing…for two-whole months. Nobody told me about Post Partum Depression. I mean, REALLY told me about it. And that the hormones effect some women in a tragic way and need prescription medication to manage and get better.
Nobody told me about the difficult side… that you would choose to stay home all day every day, forfeit meetings, not get groceries, not go to the studio to record a quick verse, than to deal with a 10, 15, or 20-minute trip to those destinations with your baby screaming at the top of her lungs the entire time, because she hates to be confined to a car seat with no one to keep her company in the back seat; and the anger that builds up which you take out on your spouse.
Nobody told me about the selfless side… that my 20-year anniversary trip will instead, turn into a family trip; so that my beautiful baby girl can experience her first real vacation. At this very moment, I am blogging from my our vacation home for the week in Hilton Head, South Carolina.
I must admit, it’s been the best week EVER!!
And that’s saying a lot. HusbandGuy and I have traveled extensively over the years. With the exception of last year, EVERY YEAR OF OUR MARRIAGE, we have done an annual anniversary vacation. We’ve enjoyed one another, enjoyed life together with just the two of us… for almost two full decades before our lives changed to include a child. How on earth did I think that would be easy? lol.
Because we love our daughter SO MUCH, I just assumed it would be a seamless transition…that our combined love as a family would just supersede the possibility of complication. Just like it takes more than LOVE to make a marriage work and last, it also takes more than love to be successful at a marriage-parenthood combination. It takes even more effort to be intentional towards having the type of life together we desire.
I am literally married to my best friend.
Watching him as a father, has truly blessed my life. Once I allowed myself to see past the unfamiliar terrain, I have been able to see the breathtaking views that are before me. Instead of, “I feel like I’m losing my husband and best friend”, it’s turning the corner to, “I feel like I’ve lost nothing and I am gaining more respect and adoration for my husband and his position as the head of our household.” It’s awesome actually. Our passion for one another as husband and wife is reignited. We are getting back to just having fun together, like we used to, without over-analyzing everything. It is what it is. We are proud parents now. We are finding our groove and navigating marriage-parenthood nicely.
I originally had my nose turned up at this trip. Who wants to spend their 20th wedding anniversary in a house with their family members? I am SO HAPPY we made this choice. It’s been so much fun. Watching Charli being on a beach for the first time… watching my in-laws nurture and love her… letting them watch her so we can sneak off for some alone time. Anticipating the arrival of my mom and my brother & sister-in-law… I can’t explain the level of peace in my heart today.
This day is a victory. It’s an anniversary many people in our age group never make it to. It’s a testimony of the power of love, prayer, and the power of God. It’s a gift and a blessing I do not take for granted. I am sure I will be as in love with my husband, twenty years from now as I am in this moment…likely even more so. I praise God that at only 41-years old, we can say we have about half our lives in marriage under our belts… TOGETHER! Not just to be able to say it, but to honor it in our daily living and always be an example of God’s grace and mercy.
I hope this blog will bless someone out there today who needs encouragement in their marriage… Hope. Desire to continue forward. God is good and so is marriage.
Happy Anniversary my love. Now and FOREVERMORE!!!!!
**Wednesdays With INDIGO**