Trust Issues

dealing-with-trust-issues-in-relationshipsKeep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. – Matthew 26:41


Lately I’ve been hearing messages and having conversations about trusting God with my life. I’d have to admit that it is easier said than done. His way of doing things doesn’t always allow me to see how things will happen to get the desired outcome and I’m the type of person who wants details. We often say, “Jesus take the wheel,” but do we mean it? It has been hard for me to surrender control. At times I only do so once I’ve done all that I can, my own way. Once that hasn’t worked, I throw up my hands. It is human nature to want to be in control. Another way that I have often failed is when I try to help him out by doing things the way that I’ve always done them. Doing so is futile because it hasn’t worked for me thus far. Continue reading

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Just to be Close to You

It’s been an extremely stressful few months to say the least. I actually can’t remember the last time I’ve felt so bogged down by pressure from work AND family in the last decade. The mental stressors of my life are literally beginning to manifest itself physically and emotionally, causing stomach aches, headaches, emotional distress, and overall exhaustion. And in the midst of it all, the only thing that’s remained constant is my confidence in God to just..keep me.

I’ve literally yearned for God in the last year more than I ever have before, and not just in a “do something for me” kind of way, but simply for Him be by my side. It’s like just being close to Him is solace enough. To know that even in realllyyyy stressful times, I can pray myself to sleep and feel a little better in the morning. Or to know that when I feel like everything in my life is about to come crashing down, or as is my case, HAS come crashing down, I can trust God to protect me from the crash and pull me out of the rubble. I’m literally at a point in my life where I want nothing from God but to just be in His presence.

I imagine this is how the woman with the issue of blood felt when pressing through the crowd just to touch the hem of His garment. For me, it’s just that. I simply, and plainly just wanna be near God. And breathe Him in. And feel His warmth. And hear His voice.

No frill. No theatrics. Just God.

I suppose there’s really no point to this blog other than to encourage myself (and whomever else needed to hear it) that stress is inevitable but God’s love is everlasting and sometimes just being allowed to enter His space and sit in peace with Him is often all that we need.

Yall pray for me, and I’ll certainly be praying for you.




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Walk It Out!

So, it had been a while since I last opened my home mailbox. Most of my bills are paid online, but those few that aren’t, go to my PO Box. So I only check my home address to clean it of spam mail. Well this morning, I realized it had been about two weeks since I last checked. When I opened it, inside I saw a package. The return name was my boss… the Owner of Andy Kushner Entertainment Design.
I was clueless as to what he would/could be mailing me. I mean, all my checks are direct deposited. And besides, I’m officially on maternity leave until after my baby is born. My final gig with the band was two weeks ago. So again… clueless. After I opened the package, I saw a small vile of what looked like vinegar or something. I was like, “What the…?” Then I saw a small handwritten note attached. Here it is:
You guys… can I please tell y’all that I sat there at that mailbox with tears in my eyes…crying and thanking God for this non-materialistic gesture.

Continue reading

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Living The Skin I’m In

iamnotthishairPeople will judge you based on speculation but God loves you with the evidence. – Kimberly Jones Pothier

When I watch the news, read my news feed, read the comments on social media fear crosses my heart with icy feet. I’m not only afraid for me, but anyone that looks like me, especially my daughter. As much as society tells me that I have to love myself first before anyone else will and to be comfortable in the skin I’m in, I can’t help thinking that these messages of validation and valuation aren’t for me. As much as I try to stay positive and not go there, I cannot ignore the glaring fact that some people will not like me and even hate me. Beyond a strong dislike or hate, what fuels my fear is that because of my outer appearance or my past some choose to use their power of influence to deny me the same  freedom to enjoy the comforts of life that they do without thought or barriers. Can I LIVE? Continue reading

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Eyes Wide Shut

1Sam16_7Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love. – 1Corinthians 13:13

At times I get caught off guard by life situations. As I mature, some things I peep from way back. It’s understandable that I’m not emotionally prepared for the unforeseen. I got blindsided. But when I see it coming, what’s my excuse? Why do I get in my feelings?

It is because I hope. ‘Hope springs eternal,’ that this time I’ll be wrong. This time things will turn out differently. This time things will come out better. God warned me about trusting my heart (Jeremiah 17:9). It would make sense that if I can’t trust my own heart, it would be wise not to trust another person’s heart. Continue reading

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It took me almost two-weeks to address this, but better late than never I guess. I mean, there’s been so much breaking news within the last couple weeks…the newest sensation is the Bill Cosby admission story; I’m wondering if it’s a mute point now. But, since I’m a woman of my word, I’m going to do what I said. Here goes…

The problem w/ Christians… why we look so wishy-washy and non-credible, is because we fail to get worked up about SIN across the board like we do about sins that BOTHER US MOST!!!!

Gay marriage IS legal in this country now…gayBlog2

Whether you accept it or not; it is the law of the land in 2015. The way I see it… it’s all prophesy being revealed. No worldly thing(s) snuck up on God. If you say you believe HIM…why the debates? Why the hatefulness & negativity? Jesus is still Lord & His will WILL be done in this earth regardless. The Word hasn’t changed. If we don’t read it or if we choose to manipulate it for our own selfishness… we will be judged accordingly. But here’s the kicker…

This doesn’t apply to one group of people!!!!!

When is the last time you gossiped about your sister? When is the last time you lied… stretched the truth to get more back on your taxes or something equally “harmless”? When is the last time you had sex out of wedlock? When is the last time you used God’s HOLY NAME in vain? I could throw out questions all day. So instead of bashing something you don’t identify with… remember you have struggles and areas of your life that still need working on. Pray for ALL SINNERS to get to a point of REPENTANCE before Christ returns. Period. Our focus needs to be on HIM because He does HIS JOB oh so well. Continue reading

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So I Bought a Gym Membership, Now What?

SOooo, a few weeks ago I bought my first gym membership to the Harlem New York Sports Club nearest my apartment. What prompted that, you ask? Well, considering the fact that most of my hobbies revolve around eating, Netflix, and books (sometimes all at once) I figured I needed a more “active” hobby to balance all that awesome R&R. That, and the fact that I legit can’t fit any of my clothes anymore (cue panic attack) is what brought on such radical behavior.

The problem is, I have absolutely NO motivation whatsoever to be in anybody’s gym. There’s probably nothing scarier to an extreme introvert than the idea of publicly and purposely sweating in front of strangers who are probably all judgey and nosey..and well, I’m dramatic, but still. The point remains, I loathe physical activity and therefore haven’t used said gym membership. So now what?

I feel like this is much like when one decides to become a member of a church, or even more generally the body of Christ. It’s like, we reach a point where we know we need to get our spiritual body right, and feel compelled to join a church but then never really activate that membership. How many of you are “members” of a church but don’t actually go consistently? Or even if you do go, how many of you actually exercise while there? You know, like working in a ministry or building strong relationships with your brothers and sisters in Christ?

In my case, I realize two things to be true 1. If I don’t have a goal, I’m not motivated and 2. I tend to set really ambitious goals for myself (sometimes too ambitious). Therein were my issues. I had no real specific goal, except for a vague vision of “getting fit”. The same likely holds true for your spiritual fitness. Have you no goals for how you’re truly going to get the most out of your church membership? Perhaps it’s time to start putting some in place. Start small. For me it was just to get to the gym and run on the treadmill twice this week. Easy peasy, right?

Next week maybe I’ll increase that to 3 times, and the following week I suppose I’ll add in some weight training, but the main thing is to DO SOMETHING NOW and not become complacent with just being a couch potato lol.

Most importantly, I’ve already paid the yearly fees and would HATE for my money to go to waste. Is this not also true for us as Christians? Because of Christ, our debt is already paid- IN FULL. It’s up to YOU, however, to really take advantage of all the benefits that come with being a member of the body of Christ. Don’t let it go to waste.

And with that, I’m off to the gym folks. Wish me luck 🙂

-Until next time,



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