You See Right Through Me…

Yea, ok so I admit, as embarrassed as it is for me to say this, I actually like Nicki’s new song “Right through me” mostly because of the SOUND even without lyrics, but YES I do actually like the chorus as well.

I mean, lets be real, what woman DOESN’T want her significant other to be able to know them so well, that the word transparent is an understatement. Call me crazy, but every time I catch myself humming this song, I instantly think about the only one who can TRULY see through me, and that is of course OUR FATHER. 

Jeremiah 1:5 says “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart
and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

With this understanding, I cant help but to think about all of the crazy things I do and ask God why in the world He would “set me apart” even knowing the poor life decisions I would make before forming me. SMH. Case in point, last night. I know that those who read our blog are as real as they come, and would not judge me but simply encourage and add to the Word brought forth. So again, I open myself up to you all in obedience to what God wants to share to SOMEONE through me. So once again, here goes nothing

Last night I went out with my best friend to a function that her job hosted, as my best friend did not want to go alone. After a long week, and feeling a bit stressed, I had a drink which by the end of the night turned into four. Needless to say, YES, I lost control, and YES I faltered, leaving me in the hands of my beautiful best friend and my loving Father to keep me when I couldn’t keep myself. (Which I pause here to say THANK GOD for a LOVING best friend and sister who, like Christ, never judges me and always loves me no matter what. I don’t know what I did to deserve you JB, but I am soo lucky). After becoming sick at the event, sick on the way home, and sick this morning, I had NO CHOICE but to call on Jesus and beg Him for mercy. LITERALLY. This entire day, I could not stop thinking about how I embarrassed my best friend, myself, and most importantly my Father and His Business. How dare I publicly humiliate the God who set me apart to be His and represent HIM everywhere I go and in everything I do? smh. It hurts so much knowing I hurt Him.

After prayer, repentance, (which for me is more than an “I’m Sorry” but also a vow to leave that behind) and reflection, I have come to two conclusions…

1. My Father knew the decision I would make and even still He loves me so much that He looks beyond my faults and meets me at my needs. He see’s right through my sin because of the sacrifice of His only son on Calvary, and I AM SO GRATEFUL.

Oh, to feel the scars in His hand

2. I couldn’t end this day without sharing this because ultimately I know that as embarrassed as I might be (knowing my mother, little sisters, and the other supportive ladies and gentlemen reading this might be surprised), “he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Besides, if sharing my testimony is the only “punishment” I am to receive as a consequence (because lets keep it real, God’s wrath is REAL and is something we church folk don’t like to talk about…but that’s a whole other blog)…then Gods grace and mercy have once again spared me, and I am THANKFUL to say the least.

What I leave you with is what I REALLY consider to be the “YOU SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME” passage which is Psalm 139. If you are NOT familiar with this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE click on the link and read, pray, and reflect, as this is one of my FAVORITES and spoke to my heart after such a heavy day. Love you guys and be blessed this week.

_April Christina_

About boldandfab

Where Being A Witness Meets Chic Sophistication! Where Every Word Has Profound Meaning. It's all us...ALL REAL! B & F.
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4 Responses to You See Right Through Me…

  1. indigo says:

    April Christina…
    1. Her song is very catchy. They got her singing on that joint like she’s a REAL singer, which trips me out b/c we both know that she’s NOT!! lol. But anyhoos, I feel you on this 110%.
    2. That’s what real friends are for. They should be helping to pick u up when you’re down. You are blessed to have J.B. in your corner.
    3. This blog is kind of an answer to your last blog…at least partially. Some things we just have to count the cost of whether it is worth it or not.
    4. As always, I appreciate your transparency b/c it is important for our readers out there to experience the HIGHS of our lives as well as the LOWS. The ladies of B&F are real people, walking a very tough walk. Repentence is KEY! Thanx for sharing hun.

  2. Bianca says:

    April I’m feeling you on this one… It would be a wonderful testimony to say that as soon as you are saved all bad habits and poor choices are tossed in the wind. But we know that this walk is a lifelong journey and I thank you for sharing your story.

    A few years ago, I had that same experience at my own company event. It was called OPEN BAR! LOL… I made a complete idiot of myself blacking out by he end of the night. I hated what I did and I just knew that it would destroy my witness… BUT GOD. I’ve moved passed it and God is still using me. I love your transparency and thankful that God is using the B&F girls in ways unimaginable!


  3. Jennifer Beckwith says:

    first and foremost….all the honor and glory to GOD. Till this day I am unsure why he chose “us” to favor and use. I do now that I am forever grateful and I WILL live my life accordingly.
    as always your transparencey and honesty speaks volumes for how God is moving and transforming you in your life.
    As your best friend, i have seen tremendous amounts of growth from the april that stands a woman of God today from when we were both struggling to find ourselves years back…

    we have along way to go but at least I can attest that we are on the right track…

    i love you and i am just as thankful for having a beautiful best friend as you:)

  4. Amber Curley says:

    Wow…………….God is good, isn’t He? We all have flaws and I just thank you for being so open, as my sister….and I love you. J.B. as well…my other sister. I am blessed to have such beautiful, intelligent, God-loving ladies to look up to, (and learn from) and I thank God most importantly for being such a forgiving Father… or who knows where we’d all be. Good post, Sis 🙂
    God bless.


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